Humor

DSC00290

Some Thought Catalog favorites from my open tabs

10. Types of Women Men Like Better Than Me

I want to see underwear ads showing a 50+ parent of multiple children in granny briefs, stippled in cellulite on her daily routine of looking sad in front of a mirror but the underwear make her look AWESOME. I will buy those underwear. You are supposed to feel ‘inspired’ by that Katy Perry video where an overweight girl strips down and jumps in the pool with everyone else. How inspiring and brave of that girl to join the normals!

9.  Just Eat the Damn Donut, Ladies

The idea that something so simply perfect could become so bastardized is a tough one to believe, for sure. But it seems that even the eating of a fresh-baked cream puff is not sacred — and there are people who want to sully its purity by falsely justifying their indulgence. And if I have to sit through one more soliloquy delivered by some girl who is clearly enjoying the pants off of her cookie dough milkshake but feels the need to explain this dessert to the world — and her friends, no less — I’m going to go crazy.

8.  Things You “Cannot” Do

You can’t Google someone and you can’t look at their Facebook profile–no, no, wait, more precisely, you cannot tell them you’ve done this. Despite the fact that they (and you, yourself, probably), have proffered a significant degree of personal and professional information upon the altar of social networking, presumably to be perused by others, it seems somehow gauche if, when they tell you, ‘I am a Systems Administrator,” you say, “I know, I saw your Facebook.’

7.  Getting Your Heart Broken Isn’t So Bad

“…once everything is said and done, once you regain your sanity, you survived it. You were not defeated. You did not actually die, no matter how much you thought you wanted to. You lost it there for a little while; you gave into your emotions and let them rule you, but there’s no crime in that. There are worse ways to go through life than to feel things passionately. The point is this: life went on. Life goes on. Heartbreak might be a bitch of a visitor, but she always leaves that gift of a reminder behind when she leaves.”

6.  Replacements for the Phrase “I Love You”

I’ll realize that I’m not the only person in the world. Little by little.

5.  You Have Such Beautiful Hands

There are moments when we look at the one we love, but we cannot really see them. We become overwhelmed by everything that composes them: the quiet moments that have passed between us, the cries of ecstasy, the tears that only we saw. It is as though they are less a person and more an amalgam of everything they have done, everything they mean to you.”

4.  The Last Time You Fall in Love with Someone

We sometimes feel like we’re guaranteed love. In an ideal world, we would be. There’d be someone out there for everyone and they would be the perfect match for each other. People wouldn’t marry for money or out of fear. But we obviously know it doesn’t work that way. And because of this, they are people making money off of your anxieties. The sad pop songs are dedicated to the ones who had no idea that the last love of their life would come too soon and leave too early. Sex and the City would’ve never existed in a world of guaranteed love. So many books wouldn’t have been published. Things would just be so different.”

3.  Why You Can’t Make Your Ex Fall in Love with You Again

If only we understood at that moment how little it had to do with us. When you fall in and out of love with someone, it’s like you become privy to all the secrets of the world. You understand what life is all about, how badly we all just want to connect with someone and feel like we have a partner or a teammate. It’s cruel how quickly things can change, how your teammate becomes an adversary at the drop of a hat. All the while, you keep asking yourself “How can I get the gold star to stick again? How can I get my teammate back?” What you don’t know now, you’ll understand later. Trust.

No ifs, ands, or buts. I could have plastic surgery to look like Ryan Gosling and it wouldn’t make a lick of a difference.

Love is there until it’s not. It might have everything to do with you or it might have nothing to do with you. The point is that people change and outgrow each other. Placing the blame on yourself and agonizing over what you could’ve done to change the outcome is fruitless. It’s all chemical anyway. Take the weight of the grief off your shoulders and take solace in knowing that you will be loved again.”

2.  How To Become The Person You Want to Be

“This might sound so minor but something you all must know by now is that we’re often our own worst enemy. We can’t blame something on a lack of self-awareness. We’re all aware, which makes it that much harder when we see ourselves making the same mistakes. We often wonder why we do the things we do. But we already know why. Knowing and doing are two different things though. I know that x, y, and z make me unhappy but I guess, in the end, I just don’t care enough to make changes. You can’t force yourself to care. You need to reach a point where you DO care which can take a long time.
1.  Top 10 Thought Catalog Comments for the Month of March

Ha, your apostrophes are misplaced.”

Screen shot 2012-02-28 at 12.18.14 AM

Pharrell’s Qream: No. Really?

Why are you doing this to me, Pharrell?

You know that I think you’re one of the hottest men walking the earth these days?  Why do you throw us these weird things that make me question your taste level, prompting me to have to justify to myself that maybe, just maybe, the PR spin on this could work?

You’re talented, attractive, fashionable and you seem to be smart, but this product and its website makes Jay-Z look really really really good. (Note: I actually admire Jay-Z as it is for having managed his personal brand well; this just sort of made Pharrell pale in comparison.  You don’t see Jay-Z hawking… something like this…)

Really? “Qream With A Q”?

And a website that looks like this:

Maybe they’re trying to get the ponies-and-princesses set who are all grown up now or something.

via the hairpin

Grab bag: Comics

I also have all these sites open in my browser, just because they have one comic strip that I want to bookmark. So I guess I’ll just “list” them here.

"Life today vs. 15 years ago" -

"Cat Ladies Throughout History"

"The Complete Harry Potter Series in Comic Book Form" by Lucy Knisley

Depressingly Funny: Apocalypse Cakes

I saw Apocalypse Cakes featured in an Edible Geography post.

It’s too funnily sad, I can’t even click “Previous posts”.  Which I think means the cakes accomplished what they were supposed to do, make people reflect on the meaning and emotion of certain events through an interesting medium.

Economic Collapse Crumb Cake by Apocalypse Cakes

See for yourself if it suits your sense of humor.

Personally, I think it pains me to associate cake with sad events, especially when the cake concepts successfully convey the abstract sad bits of particular events.  So, I want to congratulate the blog creators Shannon O’Malley and Keith Wilson for being intelligently and effectively bittersweet.

Inspirational Oomph! For The Day: Words to live by.

Suddenly, a reverting to my lazy-ass unorganized self of posting a hodge-podge of images I find cool/interesting, without any explanation. Yes, WordPress, I know that there’s Tumblr for moments like this.

Sorry, workisnotajob.  I love your posters and I do not do your brilliance justice by posting your work like this, I know.  Thankfully, your work speaks for itself.  Thank you for the inspiration I get even if I’m a stranger from far away.

I guess that’s part of the beauty of the Internet now.  Much more than TV (which was funneled and created by organized and hegemonic structures) — now, people who have never met each other, don’t have any particular formal power in society, or employed formally as “creatives”, can freely create, share and inspire people they’ve never met, on a regular basis, from opposite ends of the globe.

What a long and unwieldy sentence. (I am awfully self-referent today.  Perhaps I will get my period soon.)

All source links embedded in images.

From Kristian Bjornard’s Design-A-Day Series.

by Kristian Bjornard

Lists: To-dos, Illustrated Inventories, Collected Thoughts, and Other Artists’ Enumerations from the Collections of the Smithsonian Museum via

Clever: Bucket list in graffiti, tongue-in-cheek timekeepers, glow-in-the-dark social commentary and various graphics

After things that just make your eyes glaze over through sheer visual awe, now we have things that are cool because they say something about something.

1.  Before I Die by Candy Chang via studentdesignblog

by Candy Chang

2.  Mr. Jones’s “The Accurate” and “The Average Day” watches

Featured in Selectism.

The Accurate

The Average Day

3.  Jason Dean’s Day and Night poster

from This Is Colossal

Day and Night by Jason Dean

4.  Honest shirt.  That is one of the truer measures of love. I think.

By Paperwhite Studio via This is Colossal

5.  People Make Parks via publicinterestdesign

6.  Sophie Blackall’s Missed Connections illustrations via

7.  Cardon Copy via

8.  Bad at Math via

And a related article!

9.  Word Clocks by Doug Jackson

10.  The Computer Dilemma by John Dvorak